The reason why I fell in Love

Photography is not just an image, a moment in time, a memory, with the right processing it can become so much more.

Ansel Adams wholeheartedly understood the fundamental concepts of Quantum Physics, as he believed, an image wasn’t captured, an image is created by the observer — “You don’t take a photograph, you make it.”

"We all have the habit of thinking that everything around us is already a thing, existing without my input, without my choice. You have to banish that kind of thinking -- instead, you really have to recognize that even the material world around us -- the chairs, the tables, camera included -- all of these are nothing but possible movements of consciousness...

… And I am choosing moment to moment, out of those movements, to bring my actual experience into manifestation. This is the only radical thinking that we need to do. But it is so radical, it’s so difficult, because our tendency is that the world is already out there, independent of my experience. It is not; quantum physics has been so clear about it. Heisenberg himself, co-discoverer of quantum physics, said atoms are not things. They’re only tendencies. So, instead of thinking of things, we have to think of possibilities. They’re all possibilities of consciousness”, as stated by, Quantum Physicist Activist Amit Goswami, PH.D.


I cannot draw, yet, I can visualize, so I am intensely fascinated by this ability, this God-given talent to manifest “intentions” onto paper — or as I like to call the process: creating a quantum canvas, where intentions are materialized, emerging from “possible tendencies” that bring a picture from one’s subconscious mind to transform a blank canvas into thought, beauty, character, argument, statement, elegance, vanguard, political, propaganda, horror, soul, erotica, equation, vibration, energy, perspective and meditation — with nothing more than a pencil and eraser.

I stand in amazement, as I hover over the artistic process, while trying to understand, as I follow an artist’s hand, but then I am left perplexed when nothing but scribbles, stick figures and chicken scratch appear on my canvas.

Ah, but I found a solution to my dilemma at a very young age when I discovered photography. My jealously was immediately transformed into utter jubilation, as I found out I could also partake in this magical process by breathing Life into a chemical artistic process. All I needed was a camera and film — these two mediums would be my paintbrush and canvas.

And, so, I nagged and pleaded with my father to take me to buy a camera at Montgomery Wards in Rosemead, California, because it was across the street from Toys R Us — where they knew my name — so, I thought Ward’s must be a good place to buy one since they had their cameras boldly on display in cool, brightly lit, shiny glass boxes. “They must know what they’re doing,” I thought, “So let’s go and find out.”

At age 13, with my father in tow, we entered the camera section and I began my discussion with a sales rep regarding my newfound interest. My father stood back and watched the whole process, as the young lady and I went through all the models associated to my skill level. The young saleslady packed up the Minolta X-700 in its swanky bag, tucked in the telephoto and 50mm lenses, the flash, the complementary film and … a hefty bill, which, I gracefully deflected to my father. And, so, on that summer day, my photographic journey began.

I was quite confident I had made the best-informed decision…now how do I turn on the camera?

Henceforth, the Family Photographer emerged — not the Family Paparazzi — that title was taken by my sister. Pictures began flying out of my camera, negatives here and 4×5 prints there, similar to sketches strewn across an artist’s floor. My parents became familiar with Kodak very quickly, and boxes upon boxes of envelopes began piling up all around the house.

In Life, experiencing the rigors of adulthood, through the natural ebb and flow of life, with its twists and turns, one can sometimes lose their way, become trapped in fear, lose confidence, disengage, retreat into the darkness of one’s mind and begin to sink. I had lost the memory of my natural artistic talent, lost the memory of the reaction of editors to my first photo assignment: exhibiting my black-and-white photos across a full, two-page newspaper spread. Where no professional photojournalist dared to venture, I did. I did not give myself credit for driving my brave, yet naïve, young self into the literal fire of three days and nights of the 1992 L.A. Riots. The never-before-seen, up-close fiery images of the now-historical protest, lay buried for more than 20 years in the closets of the various apartments I moved in and out of during my youth. I resided my skills to the level of a hobbyist and became tone deaf to the reaction people had to my art. I didn’t realize my own skill, craftsmanship or unique vision. I didn’t believe in the potential of the viability of a career in photography. Fortunately, by repeatedly striking against the rocks, I attracted an incredible karmic force that jarred, smacked, and painfully woke me out of my grief. I was shocked to discover I was an extrovert living in an introvert’s body. As I kept running away from destiny and to my never-ending solitude of wishing to be a wallflower, of avoiding Life, of disengaging from the party around me, I was drowning.

I finally broke through the water’s surface and drew in a long forgotten breath. I lifted myself out of my solitude, and onto my raft, returning to my ship —returning to myself, a long awaited reunion with my Source, my Center, and I regained the helm of my Life and began guiding my ship through the rapids. I broke through the veil of drowning fear, emerging reborn, reconnected — Alive and Kicking.

This website is a symbol of more than 20 years of struggle to overcome insecurity, doubt, fear, the abandonment of confidence in my art. For the website to even exist is a testament to the fight a human being has to find in himself, in this world. to get on his or her true Life’s path.

I am finally following my bliss, returning to my quantum canvas and offering a multitude of once-lost images as proof of my love for photography, of my love for the Arts, my talent as an Artist. I have returned to the 13-year-old boy and saved him from drowning. I have begun to apply the proverbial paint to canvas once again, only this time, things are very different: I am now whole, matured, experienced, confident. I know I have a viable career. I know I have something to say.   I know I have something to leave behind — I know I have something to show you.

The following is a collection of Words, mostly Nouns, Pronouns, Verbs, and Adverbs that might provide you with a better insight into my subconscious, into the experiences and people and events and things that have shaped me, molded me, gave rise to my style and my artistic presentations. Using my version of a cloud tag, the following list might describe my essence a whole lot better than if you were to ask me a single question.

 

Expat, Mexico City International Airport, Tom Bradley International Terminal, the border, my paternal grandfather, a blue and silver six-shooter, raising hell in a local saloon, Valle de Puebla, Popocatépetl Volcano, Disneyland, OP shorts, Pacific Ocean, boogie boards, skateboards, Santa Monica Bay, blonde hair, tan lines, Santa Monica Pier, Laguna Beach, Venice Boardwalk, twilight, the magic hour, sunset, Pacific bike path, short 80s women’s running shorts, BMX bikes, dirt ramps, endos, street football, “car!”, sand lot, freeze tag, “jail, kickball, the “___” freeway, no-back-pocket jeans, cholas, eyeliner, halter-tops, feathered hair, Juarez decedent, Zapotec Nation, Inca, Nez Perce, Lakota, Iroquois, Maya, Mexica, the Nighthowls, Big Hazard, Ramona Gardens, the Police, the Doors, Van Halen, Motely Crüe, the US Festival, KLOS, the Lakers, La Habra, yellow 1967 Ford ecoline van, fresh Mexican bread, El Dorado corn tortillas, La Gloria flour tortillas, Catholic school girl uniforms, 8th grade general assembly speech, World Book Encyclopedia, ant farms, eye glasses, basketball tournaments, off-guard, undefeated season, Showtime, 6th grade short stories: 2 Brothers Cheetah & Star Wars alternative ending, Tremont St, Norfolk St, Marineland, whale watching, Grand Central Market, Six Flags, Los Angeles Wholesale Produce Market, The Bradbury Building, Anthony Quinn Mural, Tijuana, Mexico, The Mighty Six Ninety, Mole Poblano, “enfrijoladitas”, taquitos, cocido, Añejo Tequila, Absolut Vodka, Mexican Candy, calabaza, tamarindo con chile, camotes, the San Joaquin Valley weekend route, fields of tomatoes, honey dew, cotton, cantaloupe, almonds, “las tortillas!”, white Ford truck, 120 degrees, Harris Ranch, VHS, mixed cassette tapes, vinyl albums, 45s, IBM PS/2, prodigy, Wolfpack, Battle Chess, Sega Genesis, Centurion: Defender of Rome, Age of Empire, The Illustrated Man, Jurassic Park, The Hunt for Red October, The Golden Ass , The Marx-Engels Reader, Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee, La Capital, Available Light, Disney Animation Collection, City Lights Bookstore, Vroman’s Bookstore, Soundtracks: Glory, Jesus Christ Superstar, Dances with Wolves, the Mission, Carlito’s Way, Pulp Fiction, Casa Blanca, Star Wars, Galaga, Electric Planet, Black Celebration, 101Concert for the Masses, the Rose Bowl, the Forum, the Cure, the Coliseum, U2, the Sports Arena, MV3, Richard Blade, 106.7 F.M., Sting, Haircut 100, Bow Wow Wow, Duran Duran, New Order, Joshua Tree, SEX by Madonna, Robotech, early mornings, Manga, Spiderman comic books, Star Blazers, watering the lawn, Battle of the Planets, Marlene Dietrich, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Jayne Mansfield, Natalie Wood, Jane Fonda, Ann-Margret, Grace Kelly, Brenda Schad, Anita Ekberg, Madeline Kahn, Vivien Leigh, María Félix, Adriana Lima, Raquel Pomplun, Rihanna, Charlotte Casiraghi, Jennifer Connelly, Cara Delevingne, Paulina Porizkova, Amber Rose, Kate Moss, Christy Turlington, college posters: Cindy Crawford, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Phoebe Cates Red Bikini, Rodney Dangerfield, the Improv, Born in East LA, Bauhaus, Mod, Brunettes Vespas, New Wave, aqua net, g-strings, mini skirts, lace bras, Sasha Grey, Joanne Angel, Nina Hartley, Casey Calvert, Mia Khalifa, R&B, New Disco, Grad Night, party crews, black or white trench coats, Guess jeans, wingtips, The Smiths, Sadie Hawkins, Alexander McQueen, Marc Ecko, John Varvatos, Calvin Klein, Adidas, King Taco, The Original Tommy’s Chili Cheese Fries, L.A. bacon-wrapped Hotdogs, pan chicano, carne asada, East L.A. backyard parties, Romantic Torture, Quinto Sol, flyer parties, school dances, 1965 Mustang, 5.0 convertible, IROC-Z, Firebird Trans Am, Triumph TR6, mini stomper trucks, Karmann Ghia, diesel red Jetta, James Bond, Connery, Finding Forrester, ghetto birds, Sunset Strip, cruising, Whittier Blvd, Sunset Blvd, Griffith Observatory, Curson Ave Point, a sea of neon lights as far as the eye can see, House Music, Underground Music, Techno, Peanuts, the Abbey, the Roxy, club What, Spundae, Circus Disco, Grand Ave Club., Florentine Gardens, map points, L.A. is going Bananas, John’s Burgers, Astros, Johnnie’s Pastrami, Harry’s Bar, Bar Marmont, DTLA Standard Rooftop Bar, Vesuvio Café, Guelaguetza, Paradise Cove Beach Café, Jumbo’s Clown Room, the Good Luck Bar, El Carmen, PUMP, Laurel Hardware, Sky Bar White Party, Penthouse Mondrian, Troubadour, Hyde, Villa, the Belmont, Dominick’s, Dan Tana’s, Palermo’s, the Gardens of Taxco, El Tepeyac Cafe, The Original Pantry Cafe, Chesterfield Couch, Ghost Chair, African Red Bubinga, Santos Bed, a large family, man of the house, divorce, heartbreak, family protector, Father, Mother, oldest of 4, responsibility, higher education, philosophy, photojournalist, editor, East LA College Photography Department, Canon Film, Nikon digital, Carl Zeiss, Leica, Freestyle, Samy’s Camera Fairfax, Lightroom, Nik Collection, Photoshop 2.0, black and white chemical processing, 1992 LA Riots, National Geographic LA92, VICE, LAWeekly, 90.7 F.M., Campus News front page, Cesar Chavez Funeral, 89.9 F.M., Jason Bentley, Raul Campos, Metropolis, political theory, color processing, the Daily Bruin front page, Drake Field, anti-187 Royce Hall takeover, La Gente Magazine cover & photography editor, Rigoberta Menchú, Aung San Suu Kyi, Dolores Huerta, video game producer, United States Congressional Staffer, Senator Daniel Inouye, L.A. County Board of Supervisors staffer, Al Gore won the 2000 Presidential election, university student senate advisor, 20th Century Fox Studios, David & Goliath, slayed my dragon, catholic, agnostic, spiritual, Buddhism, The Power of Myth, What do the Bleep Do We Know, Amit Goswami, Samurai, Wii, yoga, Pilates, Deepak Chopra’s Leela, gong meditation, Through the Wormhole, Chakras, acupuncture, hyperbaric oxygen chamber, Quantum Physics, The power of 3, Tesla, marijuana, Magic Mushroom tea, Day One, Peter Jennings, MDMA, Tiesto Volume 3, K Hole, bliss, Renaissance Tower, jungle bike ride Tulum, Mexico, cycling through rural France, Puebla, Mexico City, Los Angeles, Mission Beach, East Los Angeles, Coalinga, San Simeon, Montebello, Santa Barbara, Westwood, Berkeley Hills, Downtown LA, La Jolla, South L.A., Berkeley, Coronado, North Beach, West Hollywood, Nob Hill, Benedict Canyon 90210, Sonoma, Tulum, Esalen, Versailles, Cancun, St. Remy de Provence, Chichen Itza, San Francisco, Périgueux, Playa Del Carmen, Paris, Ensenada, Bordeaux, Guadalajara, Avignon, Tequila, Cambria, Monaco, Russian Hill, Dordogne Valley, Francis Ford Coppola Winery, Lascaux Caves, Santa Monica, Ville-Franche-Sur-Mer, Cholula, Monterey, Les Eyzies-de-Tayac, 17 mile drive, Tepeaca, Paso Robles, Santa Teresita, Cantwell, UCSB, East L.A. College, Cal State LA, UCLA, Eugene Victor Wolfenstein, Joseph Campbell, Marx, Jung, Nietzhe, Hegel, Huxley, Sagan, Hemingway, Kurosawa, Bergman, Wells, Coppola, Kubrick, Lucas, Allen, Wachowski, Peterson, Flores, Diaz, Chopra, Bourdain, French cave paintings, Van Gogh, Hopper, Matisse, Renoir, Rivera, Siqueiros, Salgado, Adams, Ritts, Testino, Avedon, Parks, Newton.

All these words have all led me, redirected me, funneled me, guided me back to my first wonderment, my love, my amazement — my camera-paint brush, my chemical art, my digital manuscripts, my Jpeg sketches, my raw drawings, my mathematical colors, my Mac-drafting table, and my 4 TB stack of envelopes — and they have conspired to bring you my Life’s Work, my Life’s Gallery.

I will be constantly updating views supported and generated in part by this great, Big Blue Planet we call home, Mother Earth, withstanding of our sins, keeper of our monuments and proponent of our species.

I bow in Gratitude for your visit.

Follow your Bliss.

Abraham Torres
[email protected]

@RumbleSkout3